Couple of poems
Well, I had a comment on my last post suggesting that I post some of my poems. I'd be really interested to find out what people think of them.The first one is about how I felt during my Easter holidays. My current poems are mainly about depression but I try to add something hopeful (though this is not always the case). I used the metaphor of a prison to explain my feelings. It's fairly easy to get what I was trying to say through this poem as I don't usually write crypticly.
'Thoughts of a prisoner'
The journey is long,
Painful,
Imprisoning.
There's no freedom
Any more.
I sleep to be free,
But my dreams aren't peaceful.
Scary things happen,
I want to get off.
No,
Correction,
I need to get off.
I'm not a criminal,
What did I do?
Imprisoned by my thoughts,
My dad's exaggeration
Once proved right.
No hope of escape,
Still on suicide watch.
No space,
No freedom.
Stop the world,
I've had enough.
The journey must end
With freedom,
Release from pain.
I can't carry on in prison
For something I didn't do.
The next is about how I expect some social stigma as a dropout but I seem to have come up against a lot more than what I had hoped for, mainly because of my emotions.
'The depressed dropout'
No chances in life,
Judgement every day
From those who don't understand.
I've tried to move on,
To correct my mistakes
And make something of myself.
So what if I dropped out.
It was for the best
But I face a daily judgement,
A social stigma
For doing what I thought was right.
But it doesn't end there.
I'm judged for my feelings,
Ashamed of my emotions.
When it gets really bad
I'm left unable to talk.
I write, but still fear judgement,
A poem, a suicide note.
Nobody cares, nobody understands,
So I am left alone.
Solitary confinement
For a crime I didn't commit,
The story of the depressed dropout
Has no happy ending.
Socially stigmatised,
My ambitions reduced to pipe dreams.
People judge me for what I've become,
They don't understand.
My emotions kept private,
The truth of the depressed dropout kept hidden.
The next is about the way that my faith has been tested recently. In some ways, it is a bit of a follow-up to this blog entry.
'Confusion in faith'
Sometimes it gets too much,
I can't take any more.
There's no explanation,
No reason for my feelings.
All I can do is pray,
But this is so difficult
When I've lost all hope
And all I have left is anger.
God doesn't need to listen.
I've done so much bad,
I don't deserve his help,
But listen he does.
I don't know why,
I can't explain.
"Have faith and don't give up"
Is what God says to me.
I've been left wondering,
Was it God who confused my emotions?
I wish I knew how I felt,
Even if I couldn't get any worse.
Sometimes I can't escape,
Days or even weeks of anger
And no end to my confusion.
I just wish it was all...
Over?
Finished?
Done?
Yeah, that's about right.
Finally, this is another poem about being a social reject and also what being depressed has done to me over these last couple of months.
'The social reject'
The social reject
With nothing left.
Choices I made
And problems inflicted upon me.
I hoped for success,
But chances wither away,
Leaving no trace of their existence
Like an anonymous death.
The social reject
With no hopes for tomorrow.
With no tomorrow.
What is the point?
Circumstances out of my control
Drive my emotions lower each day,
To the point I can no longer cope.
So what is the point?
The social reject
With a death wish at twenty,
Never regained the will to live.
There's no hope left,
All I once had withered away,
No trace of positive existence.
Another anonymous death -
Mine.
I hope you all liked those poems and that they weren't too depressing. It's just that I find writing about my worst emotions helps to get rid of them. Sorry that this entry was particularly long but my poems do tend to be fairly long. By the way, I am not after any sympathy. These are just poems.
posted by Average guy on the street @ 3:22 pm
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